Get Content with Contentment Coach Beth Stanley

Why do people want to hold onto something that was never there?

2011-07-18T18:48:00.000+01:00

Hey look....it's only been a month this time...I'm almost a proper blogger now....well not quite....

So, kind of following on from my last post but with a different person this time.

What I am wondering now is why do people who haven't been in touch for over a year decide to randomly get back in touch? What is it that motivates them to get in contact again when there hasn't been any kind of relationship in the meantime?
Now I'm not talking about an old friend where we've just lost touch, I can understand how that might happen. I'm talking about when both parties have decided that the relationship should end in the form it was in and then not be in touch following on from that time. As I said in my last post, if we weren't friends before why would we suddenly be friends now?

It's just not something that I would do so I'm left a little confused. I suppose for me when a relationship ends by choice then it's over. We either stay friends or we don't, and if we don't then why ever get back in touch? Yes that person had an impact on my life at the time but I haven't thought about them since so why would they think about me?

Maybe I'm less sentimental than other people but there are so many people in the world, when a relationship breaks down I re-assess, learn from it (hopefully!) and move on. Why would someone want to go back to someone with whom it didn't work? There are so many other people out there to meet and be in relationship with. I just don't understand.

Answers on a postcard please :)

Why is it so challenging to just let go?

2011-06-18T22:31:00.002+01:00

I find it funny, but not surprising that it's easier to see where someone else is doing something that's not useful than to see it in my own life. One of the problems I have is I focus on the potential in people rather than what is right in front of my eyes. I have a tendency to ignore the obvious.

Now that may be considered by some as a great way to look at others and I think it does have it's uses. It's more useful for me to focus on the ability that the kids DO have at Saturday school rather than listening to their beliefs that they are 'no good' at math's. When I hold them in a 'higher' position than they hold themselves they tend to excel. I've found that people tend to meet whatever expectation you hold for them, whether positive or negative.

So, where this gets me in trouble is I like to think people can consistently operate from a place of love rather than a place of fear and wanting to get their needs met. This is crazy as I can't do this consistently and I only know of one person who has this ability. If I could stop making everything all about me (taking things personally) it would be much easier to let everyone else do whatever they want to do and it wouldn't affect me in such a harsh way.

Of course most people, when getting their needs met elsewhere, will no longer need someone else that was previously in their life. No matter how much they might want to think you can stay 'friends' if that wasn't the relationship in the beginning they're trying to go back to something that doesn't exist.

I know I have had difficulty in letting go in that past, which will surprise those that know me well who have told me in the past they think I ruthlessly cut people out of my life when they have 'served their purpose' but really what is a relationship for?
When all you have is shared memories but no longer anything in common, no shared interests, your values don't match or you're just at different stages in life (they're career focused and you're starting a family or getting married) why hold onto something that isn't there anymore?

I'm not saying that I want to cut off everyone in my past that i no longer have the same connection with but when that connection changes it helps me to acknowledge that change. Trying to pretend that things are the same as they always were and can stay that way without causing problems only causes unnecessary pain and heartache.
We might still communicate occasionally but if there isn't a space for me in your life and no space for you in mine why should we both hurt ourselves by holding on?

Letting go isn't forgetting or saying that things didn't mean anything it's just an acknowledgement that things are different now, things have changed and we're growing in different directions. Not better or worse, just different.

Letting go allows me to be open to something new coming into my life. Maybe something wonderful and magical that I just didn't have the space for before...

2011-06-11T22:37:00.000+01:00

It's been almost an entire year since my last post. I've never exactly been a regular blogger but now it's starting to look like I no longer exist so I'm here to rectify that :)
So, what are the fantastic developments that have happened in the past year? Well....in May I had the privilege of spending a week with my good friend and mentor Bill Cumming whilst he was here to hold a weekend workshop. It was one of the most calm, relaxing, thrilling, truly wonderful weeks of my life. Words cannot explain the experience of being with Bill. He truly is an exceptional human being, as Bill would say, we all are.
Back in December last year I began a process of self-discovery on a very deep level with a group, based on the work of G.I. Gurdjieff. The past 6 months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. As a result of this group I have been to Italy and started learning Italian. (already on Rosetta Stone Level 2!) It's all rather fantastic!
I got baptised last October after getting pretty involved with my local church over the previous year and it's had a massive positive effect on my way of being in the world.
I have also been focusing much more on what specifically I want to do with my life. Who I would most like to work with and the message I want my life to give.
This had led to a revamp of my website with a much more personal feel and working with a brilliant lady Judy Rees on how to tell the world about what I have to offer.
So watch this space for an update on my progress. It will be less than 11 months next time for sure!
With Love,
Beth Xx

Advanced Empathy- experiencing someone else's pain on their behalf???

2010-07-04T13:03:00.005+01:00

What I realised during the past week whilst attending the 'Coaching Happiness' course with Dr. Robert Holden is that the majority of the participants do not experience themselves as loved unconditionally or experience their value and worth in the world as a given. It amazed me that so many people professionals that are out there assisting others (and doing a fab job a lot of the time) do not have those two basic assumption, understandings/experiences.

It really helped me to recognise the major impact that 'What One Person Can Do' has had, and continues to have, on me and my life. I have an underlying sense of well being that is not easily disturbed. I do not need anything from anyone. I can listen to people's judgements about me and remain unaffected.

I broke my toe and it had no effect on my well being. It affected my ability to walk considerably but it did not affect my mood. I did not become a victim, complain or allow my well being to be shaken.

I got home Friday night, went off to casualty, waited patiently, read my book, talked to other people there and remained truly content. Not a false positive front, not fake but authentically happy.

I did not recognise how astounding this behaviour really was until I spoke to other people. During Thursday and Friday when people asked what I had happened to my foot I told the story:

"You know how it's fun to slide down banisters? Well sometimes when you land your foot goes forwards and your little toe goes sideways..."

with a smile on my face. Not as a front or to make it into a joke, but because it genuinely amused me.

People seemed to think I was some kind of freak of nature as I wasn't crying, complaining, whining or being a victim. They were surprised at how calm and cheerful I remained. My thought to myself was 'Well, why wouldn't I be?' I was confused and curious. I started to assess what was going on in my head and what I realised was all I had in there were events. No judgements, no story, no poor me, no commentary and I thought 'how interesting...' I found the experience quite fascinating.

I told the story of what happened and people experienced the pain for me. I started to think how amazingly complex the human mind is. There I am with a broken toe, smiling and cheerful and there are people with no break, perfectly intact toes experiencing physical pain from only thinking about what had happened to my foot.

I started to think about the young children I come into contact with. I see them bump their heads, fall over, scream, yell, cry and almost as soon as it's begun, it's over. AND forgotten! I think the difference is they have no story. The fact they hurt themselves a minute ago doesn't mean anything to them. It hurt, it stopped, they moved on. I wonder when we stop doing this and instead start telling a story? Being in a role? victim, helpless, clumsy, unfortunate etc.

The fact of the matter is I fell, I broke my toe, I got it X-rayed, it will heal. Why would anyone allow this experience to affect their well being?

I think because they don't recognise they have a choice.

This work (What One Person Can Do) is profoundly powerful and pervasively life altering. I notice it in the little things and am amazed at what the little things expand into.

What if everyone knew they were loved unconditionally? What if everyone knew and experienced that every second of every day they have a choice? A choice to smile or frown, complain or appreciate, love or fear, accept or reject, be present or go unconscious.
This work is so simple but not simplistic, simple but not easy, simple but not common sense, simple yet profound.

It excites me to think of the enormous difference it makes to a simple experience AND the far reaching consequences for the rest of my life.

I would love to do this work with every coach, counsellor, therapist, teacher, parent, person and watch the amazing transformation in every situation imaginable.

Find out more
and here too

Early Morning Fit Camp!

2010-05-24T12:03:00.001+01:00

I'm now in the second week of early risers fit camp and completely loving it! The idea is to do 45 minutes three times a week Mon/Wed/Fri for 4 weeks. It's kind of like doing circuits with a personal trainer but in a group.

I did the evening camps previously which were good but limiting for me as then I was unable to see clients 2 evenings a week which was not practical. Now that I can do my exercise before the day has even started I am free to use the rest of my time however I choose.

There's something glorious about getting up with the sun and exercising at the break of day. Also I think my body is still asleep at that time in the morning so it gets tricked into exercise before it realises what's happening!

Aside from not being able to walk for a day after the first session last week I have felt wonderful and am steadily improving my levels of fitness. It's also had the added benefit of giving me a solid reason to get up early and start my day while most people are asleep.

I've discovered hours of the day previously unfamiliar to me. I now get an hour of cleaning and reading done before I start my day which has changed my outlook immensely.

The only unfortunate thing is they video us sometimes and I am now up on the website. Small price to pay to feel fabulous though!

check it out here....

Transformational Breathing

2010-05-12T10:40:00.002+01:00

Since I began the process of making my own life more productive I have searched seemingly endlessly for something to help me release my blocked emotions. There is an idea that each cell in your body has it's own memory and events from your life that aren't fully processed get stored in areas throughout your body.

Although I felt I had consciously worked through the majority of my past it feels very left brained and logical. Unsurprising as I was 100% logic a lot of the time, completely disconnected from my emotional self! Now that I am reconnected and realised that a lot of my physical issues (such as back pain) are psychosomatic it's great to have found a process that releases these blockages almost effortlessly.

For me Transformational breathing is exactly what I needed. It's completely in the body, no thought process to distract, rationalise or pretend. For a total left brainer it was ideal to get me back into what's really going on for me.

I am excited about attending a group session in the near future and would recommend TB to anyone wanting to clear out their old baggage without having to bring it all up again.

www.breathguru.com

Noggin 100 Metaphor day 5th January

2010-01-06T15:59:00.004Z

To say I lacked confidence using metaphors would have been a massive understatement. It was my least favourite topic on my Master Practitioner course and I was not looking forward to spending a whole day facing my fears.
However the way the Noggin100 day was laid out made the topic of metaphor incredibly simple.

Instead of being thrown in at the deep end with no knowledge of what I was supposed to be doing (apparently you learn to do it by doing it) it was clearly explained. We spent time talking to each other and spotting metaphors in each others language and then just played around with them. We spent time creating living metaphors and came up with some interesting ideas to take away with us.
One particularly powerful experience was one of our group members was referring to a problem she had using the metaphor of a timetable. A really simple break in the metaphor occurred when we pointed out that the local buses are changing their timetables this week and do so twice a year, usually without much warning but the service still runs and everything turns out fine.
I am amazed that such a simple change in the language and imagery can have such a profound effect. I will definitely be listening more consciously for metaphors with my clients. The next topic is high performance states so a lot of new code games I think, can't wait!!

http://www.daryllscott.com/ http://www.mynoggin.co.uk/

Happiness is contagious!

2009-10-09T11:52:00.004+01:00

I have just begun an 8 week meditation/conversation/exploration into Happiness and so far it has been fascinating!

Last weekend we began our first two days looking at happiness. You might be wondering what kind of person attends a course on happiness. There were all sorts of people there for all different reasons and the one clear connection between us all is that although it sounds strange, we had not previously taken happiness seriously.

It's surprising how little happiness is discussed in our culture. We are comfortable moaning on and on about everything that's wrong with our life but when it comes to being happy it almost feels wrong to say it out loud.

One of the discoveries I have made on the course so far is that when I am happy I feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn't tell people or be openly happy as it would somehow upset them.
Even typing that seems ridiculous but some people seem to have a very negative reaction to other people's happiness.

I am working on showing and sharing my happiness wherever I go and it has been a wonderful experience this past week.

One great thing I have discovered is that far from being something to hide away my happiness is contagious!

Another great thing is by focusing on my own happiness it has increased and as a by product encouraged others around me to increase their happiness too. It's truly wonderful and I am very much looking forward to experiencing the rest of the course and looking more deeply into happiness over the next 7 weeks.

Love and Light to you all,

Beth Xxx

www.behappy.net

Transformed Self 23-26 July 2009

2009-08-24T12:42:00.009+01:00

At the end of July this year I attended a fabulous course facilitated by two wonderful people, Loreen Visser and Kerri Chinner.

I found Transformed self to be a wonderfully grounded, creative experiential course. It's purpose for me was to be able to come from my true essence and live the life I want without fear. It enabled me to remove the final blocks to being truly 'me' 100% of the time.

As a coach I feel it is important to remain aware that life is a journey. There is nowhere you have to go, nothing you have to do or get, everything is an experience to choose to enjoy or not. An intrinsic part of being a coach for me is to keep developing myself.
I get asked, 'Don't you already know everything as a coach? Aren't you fixed yet? Why do you need to go on all these other courses?' My response, 'I was never broken and neither is anyone else. No-one NEEDS these courses, they are just one option in an endless sea of possibilities!'

Personally I go on courses to discover what else is happening in the world, meet other people on a similar path to my own and experience all there is to experience in life. I would thoroughly recommend Transformed Self to those seeking to understand themselves and their behaviour more intimately.

Thoughts each day

2009-03-24T12:08:00.005Z

I love receiving the 'Thought for today' into my inbox each morning and this one really spoke to me. I am a contentment coach after all! :)

Contentment
The more positive the thoughts flowing through my mind, the more contented I will feel. It is easy to feel contented when we are praised and appreciated but to remain contented when we are being critised and rejected is the mark of real spiritual strength. The way to develop this level of strength is to learn about God's way of loving. Only when I am in deep contemplation can I see God showing me the kind of love I need to express so that I myself never reject or critise and always generate good wishes for others. Then I will feel satisfied no matter what life throws at me.

www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk

www.hannahbethcoaching.com

Advanced Exploration

2008-10-08T16:32:00.004+01:00

I am thrilled and delighted that following the completion of the 12 week 'What one person can do' conversation I now have the opportunity to go on and complete the advanced exploration with Bill Cumming with a view to facilitating the WOPCD conversation with others in the future!
I now have the opportunity to continue to explore and extrapolate my experiences out to my whole life.
Currently I am doing everything with enthusiasm, as if it were the most important thing in the world to do. It makes the housework far more enjoyable and my new energy affects all those around me too, it's a wonderful experience, why don't you give it a try? :)
go to www.oneperson.net to find out more about WOPCD

My Life's Purpose

2008-10-03T15:31:00.003+01:00

One of the assignments for the 'What One Person Can Do' course is to write down your life's purpose.
I thought this was a huge task and wrote several drafts before realising that the 'doing' part of my life really isn't that important if the 'being' part hasn't been figured out.
Once I'd realised this my purpose flowed out of me in one continual stream.
I feel it says the most I can say about what I want to 'do' with my life and what I feel my purpose on this planet is and I'd recommend writing down your life's purpose to everyone :)

My Purpose in Life

To come from a space of loving kindness in everything I do
To create safe supposrtive environments that allow others to grow and explore
To keep growing positively and changing when necessary
To not know all the answers but to be curious about finding out
To bring more fun and joy into the world and lead by example
To nourish my own spirit and take care of myself so I can be able to assist others
To be present in each moment and maintain my consciousness
To follow my dreams and live a wonderful, joyous, exciting, varied life and in doing so allow others to do the same
To recognise the gifts that are in each person, and believe in them, so they can find them too
To be authentic and promote this in others
To remain detached from any specific outcome and allow the universe to work, knowing everything is happening just as it should

Beth Stanley 13th September 2008

What one person can do.....

2008-08-19T14:40:00.004+01:00

It's been a busy few months for me so not much time for the blog. But I am back now.....

I am currently in the 4th week of an experiential program entitled 'What one person can do' it's run by Bill Cumming and i would highly recommend it to anyone.

So far it has been both stimulating and challenging and has allowed me to look into myself at a deeper level.
Assignments have been to write out my goals and note which ones I am in action about, complete a task I despise as if it's the most important thing in the world (sounds crazy but just try it...), notice patterns in my energy levels, make the conscious choice to increase my energy levels, start (and continue) a practice of self care, really look at who and what I am allowing into my life, so many interesting and insightful things!

This week my assignment is to create a magical situation. To choose two situations I am expecting this week and set the context of those situations in advance. i.e. choose the emotion to go into the situation with in order to make the ordinary extraordinary. I'm choosing running tonight (my first time in ages, I might die!) and lunch on Friday with my brother. It will be good!

I have found the idea that the only thing you have any control over in any given moment is how you choose to be, extremely liberating. If the only thing I can control is how I choose to be in a situation I can choose to go into a situation in a positive frame of mind, and whatever follows is whatever follows. Although, ultimately I cannot control how the situation turns out, it will be different depending on how I choose to be in each moment.

It truly is a fascinating course and i cannot wait to find out what I will be doing next week.....

To find out more visit www.oneperson.net