Why do people want to hold onto something that was never there?

Hey look....it's only been a month this time...I'm almost a proper blogger now....well not quite....

So, kind of following on from my last post but with a different person this time.

What I am wondering now is why do people who haven't been in touch for over a year decide to randomly get back in touch?  What is it that motivates them to get in contact again when there hasn't been any kind of relationship in the meantime?
Now I'm not talking about an old friend where we've just lost touch, I can understand how that might happen.  I'm talking about when both parties have decided that the relationship should end in the form it was in and then not be in touch following on from that time.  As I said in my last post, if we weren't friends before why would we suddenly be friends now?

It's just not something that I would do so I'm left a little confused.   I suppose for me when a relationship ends by choice then it's over.  We either stay friends or we don't, and if we don't then why ever get back in touch?  Yes that person had an impact on my life at the time but I haven't thought about them since so why would they think about me?

Maybe I'm less sentimental than other people but there are so many people in the world, when a relationship breaks down I re-assess, learn from it (hopefully!) and move on.  Why would someone want to go back to someone with whom it didn't work?  There are so many other people out there to meet and be in relationship with.  I just don't understand.

Answers on a postcard please :)

Why is it so challenging to just let go?

I find it funny, but not surprising that it's easier to see where someone else is doing something that's not useful than to see it in my own life.  One of the problems I have is I focus on the potential in people rather than what is right in front of my eyes.  I have a tendency to ignore the obvious.

Now that may be considered by some as a great way to look at others and I think it does have it's uses.  It's more useful for me to focus on the ability that the kids DO have at Saturday school rather than listening to their beliefs that they are 'no good' at math's. When I hold them in a 'higher' position than they hold themselves they tend to excel.  I've found that people tend to meet whatever expectation you hold for them, whether positive or negative.

So, where this gets me in trouble is I like to think people can consistently operate from a place of love rather than a place of fear and wanting to get their needs met.  This is crazy as I can't do this consistently and I only know of one person who has this ability.  If I could stop making everything all about me (taking things personally) it would be much easier to let everyone else do whatever they want to do and it wouldn't affect me in such a harsh way.

Of course most people, when getting their needs met elsewhere, will no longer need someone else that was previously in their life.  No matter how much they might want to think you can stay 'friends' if that wasn't the relationship in the beginning they're trying to go back to something that doesn't exist.

I know I have had difficulty in letting go in that past, which will surprise those that know me well who have told me in the past they think I ruthlessly cut people out of my life when they have 'served their purpose'  but really what is a relationship for?
When all you have is shared memories but no longer anything in common, no shared interests, your values don't match or you're just at different stages in life (they're career focused and you're starting a family or getting married) why hold onto something that isn't there anymore?  

I'm not saying that I want to cut off everyone in my past that i no longer have the same connection with but when that connection changes it helps me to acknowledge that change.  Trying to pretend that things are the same as they always were and can stay that way without causing problems only causes unnecessary pain and heartache.
We might still communicate occasionally but if there isn't a space for me in your life and no space for you in mine why should we both hurt ourselves by holding on?  

Letting go isn't forgetting or saying that things didn't mean anything it's just an acknowledgement that things are different now, things have changed and we're growing in different directions.  Not better or worse, just different.


Letting go allows me to be open to something new coming into my life.  Maybe something wonderful and magical that I just didn't have the space for before...

It's been almost an entire year since my last post.  I've never exactly been a regular blogger but now it's starting to look like I no longer exist so I'm here to rectify that :)
So, what are the fantastic developments that have happened in the past year?  Well....in May I had the privilege of spending a week with my good friend and mentor Bill Cumming whilst he was here to hold a weekend workshop.  It was one of the most calm, relaxing, thrilling, truly wonderful weeks of my life.  Words cannot explain the experience of being with Bill.  He truly is an exceptional human being, as Bill would say, we all are.
Back in December last year I began a process of self-discovery on a very deep level with a group, based on the work of G.I. Gurdjieff.  The past 6 months have been a bit of a rollercoaster.  As a result of this group I have been to Italy and started learning Italian.  (already on Rosetta Stone Level 2!) It's all rather fantastic!
I got baptised last October after getting pretty involved with my local church over the previous year and it's had a massive positive effect on my way of being in the world.
I have also been focusing much more on what specifically I want to do with my life.  Who I would most like to work with and the message I want my life to give.
This had led to a revamp of my website with a much more personal feel and working with a brilliant lady Judy Rees on how to tell the world about what I have to offer.
So watch this space for an update on my progress.  It will be less than 11 months next time for sure!
With Love, 
Beth Xx