What I realised during the past week whilst attending the 'Coaching Happiness' course with Dr. Robert Holden is that the majority of the participants do not experience themselves as loved unconditionally or experience their value and worth in the world as a given. It amazed me that so many people professionals that are out there assisting others (and doing a fab job a lot of the time) do not have those two basic assumption, understandings/experiences.
It really helped me to recognise the major impact that 'What One Person Can Do' has had, and continues to have, on me and my life. I have an underlying sense of well being that is not easily disturbed. I do not need anything from anyone. I can listen to people's judgements about me and remain unaffected.
I broke my toe and it had no effect on my well being. It affected my ability to walk considerably but it did not affect my mood. I did not become a victim, complain or allow my well being to be shaken.
I got home Friday night, went off to casualty, waited patiently, read my book, talked to other people there and remained truly content. Not a false positive front, not fake but authentically happy.
I did not recognise how astounding this behaviour really was until I spoke to other people. During Thursday and Friday when people asked what I had happened to my foot I told the story:
"You know how it's fun to slide down banisters? Well sometimes when you land your foot goes forwards and your little toe goes sideways..."
with a smile on my face. Not as a front or to make it into a joke, but because it genuinely amused me.
People seemed to think I was some kind of freak of nature as I wasn't crying, complaining, whining or being a victim. They were surprised at how calm and cheerful I remained. My thought to myself was 'Well, why wouldn't I be?' I was confused and curious. I started to assess what was going on in my head and what I realised was all I had in there were events. No judgements, no story, no poor me, no commentary and I thought 'how interesting...' I found the experience quite fascinating.
I told the story of what happened and people experienced the pain for me. I started to think how amazingly complex the human mind is. There I am with a broken toe, smiling and cheerful and there are people with no break, perfectly intact toes experiencing physical pain from only thinking about what had happened to my foot.
I started to think about the young children I come into contact with. I see them bump their heads, fall over, scream, yell, cry and almost as soon as it's begun, it's over. AND forgotten! I think the difference is they have no story. The fact they hurt themselves a minute ago doesn't mean anything to them. It hurt, it stopped, they moved on. I wonder when we stop doing this and instead start telling a story? Being in a role? victim, helpless, clumsy, unfortunate etc.
The fact of the matter is I fell, I broke my toe, I got it X-rayed, it will heal. Why would anyone allow this experience to affect their well being?
I think because they don't recognise they have a choice.
This work (What One Person Can Do) is profoundly powerful and pervasively life altering. I notice it in the little things and am amazed at what the little things expand into.
What if everyone knew they were loved unconditionally? What if everyone knew and experienced that every second of every day they have a choice? A choice to smile or frown, complain or appreciate, love or fear, accept or reject, be present or go unconscious.
This work is so simple but not simplistic, simple but not easy, simple but not common sense, simple yet profound.
It excites me to think of the enormous difference it makes to a simple experience AND the far reaching consequences for the rest of my life.
I would love to do this work with every coach, counsellor, therapist, teacher, parent, person and watch the amazing transformation in every situation imaginable.
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