Soooooo....I think after 18 months I have to admit I'm not a blogger. I was told that I had to blog in order to 'get clients' and it's not proved true for me. Although I suppose it wasn't a fair test as I wasn't blogging!
What I have discovered over the past 18 months is that I like to write and share things with people and I tend to do that on Facebook rather than on here. However I realise that not having a current blog makes it seem that I am no longer actively coaching which is definitely not the case.
In the past 18 months I have focused on working with teenagers and young people which is where my passions lie. Having had a particularly difficult time in my teens and early 20's I am best suited to working with people in this same stage of their life going through situations similar to the ones I've been through.
Through my maths tuition I often get the opportunity to coach young people and help them develop a sense of their innate worth. They are able to focus less on solely the grade they will achieve, understand that comparison to another is pointless, the only person worth comparing yourself to is yourself, and focus more on the all round benefits of and enjoyment in studying, learning, developing and growing.
I don't know what it is about young people that I resonate with so much. Maybe I haven't fully grown up myself? I think it's the fact that their opinions are not yet rock solid, they're willing to be wrong (sometimes anyway!), willing to learn something new, able to absorb new ideas and apply them quickly in a way most adults don't seem able to do. Whatever it is I know it's where I want to be and where I can be of most use.
Onward and upwards!!
Wednesday 16 January 2013
Monday 18 July 2011
Why do people want to hold onto something that was never there?
Hey look....it's only been a month this time...I'm almost a proper blogger now....well not quite....
So, kind of following on from my last post but with a different person this time.
What I am wondering now is why do people who haven't been in touch for over a year decide to randomly get back in touch? What is it that motivates them to get in contact again when there hasn't been any kind of relationship in the meantime?
Now I'm not talking about an old friend where we've just lost touch, I can understand how that might happen. I'm talking about when both parties have decided that the relationship should end in the form it was in and then not be in touch following on from that time. As I said in my last post, if we weren't friends before why would we suddenly be friends now?
Now I'm not talking about an old friend where we've just lost touch, I can understand how that might happen. I'm talking about when both parties have decided that the relationship should end in the form it was in and then not be in touch following on from that time. As I said in my last post, if we weren't friends before why would we suddenly be friends now?
It's just not something that I would do so I'm left a little confused. I suppose for me when a relationship ends by choice then it's over. We either stay friends or we don't, and if we don't then why ever get back in touch? Yes that person had an impact on my life at the time but I haven't thought about them since so why would they think about me?
Maybe I'm less sentimental than other people but there are so many people in the world, when a relationship breaks down I re-assess, learn from it (hopefully!) and move on. Why would someone want to go back to someone with whom it didn't work? There are so many other people out there to meet and be in relationship with. I just don't understand.
Answers on a postcard please :)
Saturday 18 June 2011
Why is it so challenging to just let go?
I find it funny, but not surprising that it's easier to see where someone else is doing something that's not useful than to see it in my own life. One of the problems I have is I focus on the potential in people rather than what is right in front of my eyes. I have a tendency to ignore the obvious.
Now that may be considered by some as a great way to look at others and I think it does have it's uses. It's more useful for me to focus on the ability that the kids DO have at Saturday school rather than listening to their beliefs that they are 'no good' at math's. When I hold them in a 'higher' position than they hold themselves they tend to excel. I've found that people tend to meet whatever expectation you hold for them, whether positive or negative.
So, where this gets me in trouble is I like to think people can consistently operate from a place of love rather than a place of fear and wanting to get their needs met. This is crazy as I can't do this consistently and I only know of one person who has this ability. If I could stop making everything all about me (taking things personally) it would be much easier to let everyone else do whatever they want to do and it wouldn't affect me in such a harsh way.
Of course most people, when getting their needs met elsewhere, will no longer need someone else that was previously in their life. No matter how much they might want to think you can stay 'friends' if that wasn't the relationship in the beginning they're trying to go back to something that doesn't exist.
I know I have had difficulty in letting go in that past, which will surprise those that know me well who have told me in the past they think I ruthlessly cut people out of my life when they have 'served their purpose' but really what is a relationship for?
When all you have is shared memories but no longer anything in common, no shared interests, your values don't match or you're just at different stages in life (they're career focused and you're starting a family or getting married) why hold onto something that isn't there anymore?
I'm not saying that I want to cut off everyone in my past that i no longer have the same connection with but when that connection changes it helps me to acknowledge that change. Trying to pretend that things are the same as they always were and can stay that way without causing problems only causes unnecessary pain and heartache.
We might still communicate occasionally but if there isn't a space for me in your life and no space for you in mine why should we both hurt ourselves by holding on?
Letting go isn't forgetting or saying that things didn't mean anything it's just an acknowledgement that things are different now, things have changed and we're growing in different directions. Not better or worse, just different.
Letting go allows me to be open to something new coming into my life. Maybe something wonderful and magical that I just didn't have the space for before...
Now that may be considered by some as a great way to look at others and I think it does have it's uses. It's more useful for me to focus on the ability that the kids DO have at Saturday school rather than listening to their beliefs that they are 'no good' at math's. When I hold them in a 'higher' position than they hold themselves they tend to excel. I've found that people tend to meet whatever expectation you hold for them, whether positive or negative.
So, where this gets me in trouble is I like to think people can consistently operate from a place of love rather than a place of fear and wanting to get their needs met. This is crazy as I can't do this consistently and I only know of one person who has this ability. If I could stop making everything all about me (taking things personally) it would be much easier to let everyone else do whatever they want to do and it wouldn't affect me in such a harsh way.
Of course most people, when getting their needs met elsewhere, will no longer need someone else that was previously in their life. No matter how much they might want to think you can stay 'friends' if that wasn't the relationship in the beginning they're trying to go back to something that doesn't exist.
I know I have had difficulty in letting go in that past, which will surprise those that know me well who have told me in the past they think I ruthlessly cut people out of my life when they have 'served their purpose' but really what is a relationship for?
When all you have is shared memories but no longer anything in common, no shared interests, your values don't match or you're just at different stages in life (they're career focused and you're starting a family or getting married) why hold onto something that isn't there anymore?
I'm not saying that I want to cut off everyone in my past that i no longer have the same connection with but when that connection changes it helps me to acknowledge that change. Trying to pretend that things are the same as they always were and can stay that way without causing problems only causes unnecessary pain and heartache.
We might still communicate occasionally but if there isn't a space for me in your life and no space for you in mine why should we both hurt ourselves by holding on?
Letting go isn't forgetting or saying that things didn't mean anything it's just an acknowledgement that things are different now, things have changed and we're growing in different directions. Not better or worse, just different.
Letting go allows me to be open to something new coming into my life. Maybe something wonderful and magical that I just didn't have the space for before...
Saturday 11 June 2011
It's been almost an entire year since my last post. I've never exactly been a regular blogger but now it's starting to look like I no longer exist so I'm here to rectify that :)
So, what are the fantastic developments that have happened in the past year? Well....in May I had the privilege of spending a week with my good friend and mentor Bill Cumming whilst he was here to hold a weekend workshop. It was one of the most calm, relaxing, thrilling, truly wonderful weeks of my life. Words cannot explain the experience of being with Bill. He truly is an exceptional human being, as Bill would say, we all are.
Back in December last year I began a process of self-discovery on a very deep level with a group, based on the work of G.I. Gurdjieff. The past 6 months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. As a result of this group I have been to Italy and started learning Italian. (already on Rosetta Stone Level 2!) It's all rather fantastic!
I got baptised last October after getting pretty involved with my local church over the previous year and it's had a massive positive effect on my way of being in the world.
I have also been focusing much more on what specifically I want to do with my life. Who I would most like to work with and the message I want my life to give.
This had led to a revamp of my website with a much more personal feel and working with a brilliant lady Judy Rees on how to tell the world about what I have to offer.
So watch this space for an update on my progress. It will be less than 11 months next time for sure!
With Love,
Beth Xx
So, what are the fantastic developments that have happened in the past year? Well....in May I had the privilege of spending a week with my good friend and mentor Bill Cumming whilst he was here to hold a weekend workshop. It was one of the most calm, relaxing, thrilling, truly wonderful weeks of my life. Words cannot explain the experience of being with Bill. He truly is an exceptional human being, as Bill would say, we all are.
Back in December last year I began a process of self-discovery on a very deep level with a group, based on the work of G.I. Gurdjieff. The past 6 months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. As a result of this group I have been to Italy and started learning Italian. (already on Rosetta Stone Level 2!) It's all rather fantastic!
I got baptised last October after getting pretty involved with my local church over the previous year and it's had a massive positive effect on my way of being in the world.
I have also been focusing much more on what specifically I want to do with my life. Who I would most like to work with and the message I want my life to give.
This had led to a revamp of my website with a much more personal feel and working with a brilliant lady Judy Rees on how to tell the world about what I have to offer.
So watch this space for an update on my progress. It will be less than 11 months next time for sure!
With Love,
Beth Xx
Sunday 4 July 2010
Advanced Empathy- experiencing someone else's pain on their behalf???
What I realised during the past week whilst attending the 'Coaching Happiness' course with Dr. Robert Holden is that the majority of the participants do not experience themselves as loved unconditionally or experience their value and worth in the world as a given. It amazed me that so many people professionals that are out there assisting others (and doing a fab job a lot of the time) do not have those two basic assumption, understandings/experiences.
It really helped me to recognise the major impact that 'What One Person Can Do' has had, and continues to have, on me and my life. I have an underlying sense of well being that is not easily disturbed. I do not need anything from anyone. I can listen to people's judgements about me and remain unaffected.
I broke my toe and it had no effect on my well being. It affected my ability to walk considerably but it did not affect my mood. I did not become a victim, complain or allow my well being to be shaken.
I got home Friday night, went off to casualty, waited patiently, read my book, talked to other people there and remained truly content. Not a false positive front, not fake but authentically happy.
I did not recognise how astounding this behaviour really was until I spoke to other people. During Thursday and Friday when people asked what I had happened to my foot I told the story:
"You know how it's fun to slide down banisters? Well sometimes when you land your foot goes forwards and your little toe goes sideways..."
with a smile on my face. Not as a front or to make it into a joke, but because it genuinely amused me.
People seemed to think I was some kind of freak of nature as I wasn't crying, complaining, whining or being a victim. They were surprised at how calm and cheerful I remained. My thought to myself was 'Well, why wouldn't I be?' I was confused and curious. I started to assess what was going on in my head and what I realised was all I had in there were events. No judgements, no story, no poor me, no commentary and I thought 'how interesting...' I found the experience quite fascinating.
I told the story of what happened and people experienced the pain for me. I started to think how amazingly complex the human mind is. There I am with a broken toe, smiling and cheerful and there are people with no break, perfectly intact toes experiencing physical pain from only thinking about what had happened to my foot.
I started to think about the young children I come into contact with. I see them bump their heads, fall over, scream, yell, cry and almost as soon as it's begun, it's over. AND forgotten! I think the difference is they have no story. The fact they hurt themselves a minute ago doesn't mean anything to them. It hurt, it stopped, they moved on. I wonder when we stop doing this and instead start telling a story? Being in a role? victim, helpless, clumsy, unfortunate etc.
The fact of the matter is I fell, I broke my toe, I got it X-rayed, it will heal. Why would anyone allow this experience to affect their well being?
I think because they don't recognise they have a choice.
This work (What One Person Can Do) is profoundly powerful and pervasively life altering. I notice it in the little things and am amazed at what the little things expand into.
What if everyone knew they were loved unconditionally? What if everyone knew and experienced that every second of every day they have a choice? A choice to smile or frown, complain or appreciate, love or fear, accept or reject, be present or go unconscious.
This work is so simple but not simplistic, simple but not easy, simple but not common sense, simple yet profound.
It excites me to think of the enormous difference it makes to a simple experience AND the far reaching consequences for the rest of my life.
I would love to do this work with every coach, counsellor, therapist, teacher, parent, person and watch the amazing transformation in every situation imaginable.
Find out more
and here too
It really helped me to recognise the major impact that 'What One Person Can Do' has had, and continues to have, on me and my life. I have an underlying sense of well being that is not easily disturbed. I do not need anything from anyone. I can listen to people's judgements about me and remain unaffected.
I broke my toe and it had no effect on my well being. It affected my ability to walk considerably but it did not affect my mood. I did not become a victim, complain or allow my well being to be shaken.
I got home Friday night, went off to casualty, waited patiently, read my book, talked to other people there and remained truly content. Not a false positive front, not fake but authentically happy.
I did not recognise how astounding this behaviour really was until I spoke to other people. During Thursday and Friday when people asked what I had happened to my foot I told the story:
"You know how it's fun to slide down banisters? Well sometimes when you land your foot goes forwards and your little toe goes sideways..."
with a smile on my face. Not as a front or to make it into a joke, but because it genuinely amused me.
People seemed to think I was some kind of freak of nature as I wasn't crying, complaining, whining or being a victim. They were surprised at how calm and cheerful I remained. My thought to myself was 'Well, why wouldn't I be?' I was confused and curious. I started to assess what was going on in my head and what I realised was all I had in there were events. No judgements, no story, no poor me, no commentary and I thought 'how interesting...' I found the experience quite fascinating.
I told the story of what happened and people experienced the pain for me. I started to think how amazingly complex the human mind is. There I am with a broken toe, smiling and cheerful and there are people with no break, perfectly intact toes experiencing physical pain from only thinking about what had happened to my foot.
I started to think about the young children I come into contact with. I see them bump their heads, fall over, scream, yell, cry and almost as soon as it's begun, it's over. AND forgotten! I think the difference is they have no story. The fact they hurt themselves a minute ago doesn't mean anything to them. It hurt, it stopped, they moved on. I wonder when we stop doing this and instead start telling a story? Being in a role? victim, helpless, clumsy, unfortunate etc.
The fact of the matter is I fell, I broke my toe, I got it X-rayed, it will heal. Why would anyone allow this experience to affect their well being?
I think because they don't recognise they have a choice.
This work (What One Person Can Do) is profoundly powerful and pervasively life altering. I notice it in the little things and am amazed at what the little things expand into.
What if everyone knew they were loved unconditionally? What if everyone knew and experienced that every second of every day they have a choice? A choice to smile or frown, complain or appreciate, love or fear, accept or reject, be present or go unconscious.
This work is so simple but not simplistic, simple but not easy, simple but not common sense, simple yet profound.
It excites me to think of the enormous difference it makes to a simple experience AND the far reaching consequences for the rest of my life.
I would love to do this work with every coach, counsellor, therapist, teacher, parent, person and watch the amazing transformation in every situation imaginable.
Find out more
and here too
Monday 24 May 2010
Early Morning Fit Camp!
I'm now in the second week of early risers fit camp and completely loving it! The idea is to do 45 minutes three times a week Mon/Wed/Fri for 4 weeks. It's kind of like doing circuits with a personal trainer but in a group.
I did the evening camps previously which were good but limiting for me as then I was unable to see clients 2 evenings a week which was not practical. Now that I can do my exercise before the day has even started I am free to use the rest of my time however I choose.
There's something glorious about getting up with the sun and exercising at the break of day. Also I think my body is still asleep at that time in the morning so it gets tricked into exercise before it realises what's happening!
Aside from not being able to walk for a day after the first session last week I have felt wonderful and am steadily improving my levels of fitness. It's also had the added benefit of giving me a solid reason to get up early and start my day while most people are asleep.
I've discovered hours of the day previously unfamiliar to me. I now get an hour of cleaning and reading done before I start my day which has changed my outlook immensely.
The only unfortunate thing is they video us sometimes and I am now up on the website. Small price to pay to feel fabulous though!
Wednesday 12 May 2010
Transformational Breathing
Since I began the process of making my own life more productive I have searched seemingly endlessly for something to help me release my blocked emotions. There is an idea that each cell in your body has it's own memory and events from your life that aren't fully processed get stored in areas throughout your body.
Although I felt I had consciously worked through the majority of my past it feels very left brained and logical. Unsurprising as I was 100% logic a lot of the time, completely disconnected from my emotional self! Now that I am reconnected and realised that a lot of my physical issues (such as back pain) are psychosomatic it's great to have found a process that releases these blockages almost effortlessly.
For me Transformational breathing is exactly what I needed. It's completely in the body, no thought process to distract, rationalise or pretend. For a total left brainer it was ideal to get me back into what's really going on for me.
I am excited about attending a group session in the near future and would recommend TB to anyone wanting to clear out their old baggage without having to bring it all up again.
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